When We Feel Shy...

It can be quite daunting when we faced with certain situations. But this need not be the  way  writes COLIN SAVIO COELHO as he tells  us how we can overcome shyness and then confront any situation

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Many a time, we are not comfortable with certain situations we are confronted with.  We tend to be shy and introverted while facing these situations.  The situations make us nervous and maybe we lack confidence to face them.  Shyness is more of an irrational fear of speaking up and then being humiliated or ignored. Insecurity and insensitivity keep us from speaking out at times. When we know that our attempt at speaking out can cause us emotional pain and embarrassment, we would do just about anything to avoid it.

RUNNING AWAY

Tony and Raymond planned to complete their school assignment together at Raymond's place on a Saturday evening.  Tony, though, was very hesitant because he had never met Raymond's parents and siblings before.  The compulsion of deadlines, however, took Tony over to Raymond's and as he entered he asked his friend, 'Can we get started quickly?  We have a lot to finish.'  Raymond told him, 'We will get started as soon as we have our evening tea with the cookies my mother has prepared for us.'  This made Tony very nervous. He always felt nervous meeting new people and talking to them.  He kept trying to make excuses so that they could 'run away' from the situation and get going with the assignment.

Just then Raymond's mother entered and greeted, 'Hi there boys.  Tea is served.  You had better fill in your stomachs before attempting anything.'  Tony responded with a nervous smile, hesitant even to return the greeting.

IS SHYNESS NATURAL?

It is only natural for one to feel shy when confronted with a new situation.  You are meeting someone new; you don't know the 'rules' of the place.  The first thoughts that jump up in these times are: 'Is there something wrong with me?'

 SHYNESS  VS. SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

Maybe just being self-consciousness will probably show pronounced shyness.  Being in a social milieu can also bring about the timid part of a person.  But is it wrong or bad to feel shy?  More than anything, this would be considered most natural in us.  But extreme nervousness and the tendency to become self-focused and anxious can enhance the

feeling of being shy.  Thus, a highly anxious behavior will affect your conscious mind resulting in you behavior being dictated by unconscious actions that is a resultant of your nervousness.  Shyness is a natural process surely.  But we need to be concerned only if it

sticks around for two long, especially as we mature.

Ted's was a shy boy.  He would be a quiet boy in his class, but would always be sulking and feeling insecure that resulted in him not being able to concentrate on his studies.  'Your book is always incomplete and you are always with a long face,' chided his teacher.  'Can't you act mature and be a mature boy,' she continued with the onslaught on the poor boy.  Ted was feeling very low.  He just got more and more insecure with every word the teacher said.  There was Ted with a longer face then usual feeling very embarrassed.

OVERCOMING SHYNESS

A key to overcoming shyness is when meaningless retorts like these are ignored.  Let go of any bad experiences. A continuous thought of a bad experience can turn into a demon in reality. Thinking a lot about these experiences can make them all powerful over you. Things can get easier if we fill our minds with the positives that can be more refreshing and relaxing.

 Social Interaction

It is important to learn to improve on the social contact and how to interact in a social milieu.  One of the most important parts is to get a few misconceptions out of our system.  'It is better not to say anything rather than say something and be humiliated for it

afterwards,' is what Ted learnt as he grew up.  He would spend more time thinking about what he wanted to say and it all got so confusing and he became very nervous resulting in a complete lack of self-confidence.  This needs to be avoided at all costs.  It was the counselor who finally told him, 'The more you speak to others the more practice will you achieve.  This will only make you a better conversationalist.'

 Overwhelmingly Nonplussed

Many feel that they do not know what to say at what time and hence avoid speaking altogether.  It is not true that you must keep saying the right thing all the time.  That is only an assumption.  You have to right to say the not so right thing sometimes.

'I don't have any friends as nobody is interested in me,' lamented Gayatri.  Again she has generalized the whole situation to be totally out of proportion.  'Are you a mind-reader? How can you what another person is thinking,' asked her mother.  Generalizing a thought you think to be right can be detrimental to the self-worth you have.

Reject Rejection 

Are you afraid of rejection?  We can surely handle rejection which is part of a growing process.  It is only that we need to find ways of handling rejection and making it a stepping-stone leading to a successful mental growth.

Shyness can be overcome if we focus on what to do to feel confident, rather than how to avoid feeling shy.  Overcoming shyness is all about finding ways of making the best of social situations not wasting time on wondering why we feel shy!