Parenting a neurodivergent child presents a unique set of joys, challenges and discoveries. Here are some overlooked practical approaches and fresh perspectives, drawn from both research and first-hand experiences from professional-parent and parent-parent interactions, to help any parent thrive in a world that does not always understand their strengths, challenges and differences.
Trust your instincts because you are the expert on your child:
As a parent, it is normal to feel anxious or confused as you turn to doctors, therapists, teachers, and other family members for guidance on ways to help your child. While professionals can offer expertise and insights on disabilities, it’s you who truly knows your child’s needs, capabilities, quirks and preferences, making you most suited to picking recommendations that align with your child’s well-being. So trust your gut while navigating expert opinions and take decisions for your child with confidence.
Find an empowering, uplifting community: Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel lonely, especially when friends and family keep their distance because they are unsure of how to behave around your child or how to help. Finding a community of people who are understanding and accepting can be helpful. A strong parent support group whose members share stories, successes and struggles can be a great source of emotional strength, fun and laughter. It is also helpful to be around positive people who see the glass as half-full, who recognise and celebrate your child’s beauty, wonder and potential. You are already aware of your child’s challenges; the last thing you need is for others around you to harp on them.
Pick your battles:
Finding the right school, talking to teachers and accompanying a child to different therapies on top of balancing the daily demands of a job with the needs of your family can feel overwhelming. It helps to remember that you don’t have to try to be a superhero who gets everything right every time or to worry about missing an opportunity to help your child. Parents of neurodivergent children often speak of the value of identifying what’s most important and directing energy there instead of making all of life a battle. It is your prerogative to decide what to prioritise because every child is different – no plan is perfect, no approach works for everyone, all the time.
Have faith and hope:
While professionals are expected to place stock in science and research, interactions with hundreds of families indicate that faith in a higher power can be a source of comfort and sustenance. Additionally, faith in your own knowing of what’s best for your child is empowering. Hope can come from different sources – from celebrating success, however small, to meeting other parents along a similar path.
Laughter is good for the soul:
Guilt, resentment, worry, frustration and anger are normal, natural, legitimate parts of parenting, regardless of whether a child is neurotypical or neurodivergent. If your child’s behaviour leaves you feeling embarrassed, humiliated or helpless to control or explain, it can be healthier for everyone to laugh it off, especially with other parents of neurodivergent children who empathise and understand.
Take care of yourself first:
As the captain of the family ship, it’s often you who must ensure that the ship sails smoothly when the seas turn rough. Habitually ignoring your own physical, mental and emotional needs can leave you chronically stressed and unhappy, making it hard to have a good relationship with your child. Taking care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally sets you up to be a calmer, happier, more engaged parent. As hard as it may seem, especially if you’ve become accustomed to putting your own needs last, ditch the guilt and prioritise time for things that bring you joy and relaxation – a hobby, exercise, reading, meditation, anything that allows you to decompress. Consider it an investment in yourself which can pay dividends in terms of the well-being of your family.
(Andre Velho is the head of AATISH, the autism programme at Sethu Centre for Child Development and Family Guidance.)