The Global Day of Parents is observed on the June 1 every year to promote the healthy development of children by their parents. The official theme for Global Day of Parents 2024 is ‘The Promise of Playful Parenting’. Every parent longs to spend quality time with their children especially in their young years. However, with the fast paced and competitive world leaving very few hours for family time, parents are learning how technology has taken over their child’s life with a big difference from their own childhood. While the approach of parents discipling their children in India might have a different format, other countries have different rules to follow when it comes to safeguarding the children.
Father to two sons, Marcio and Marlon, Savio Rodrigues settled in Redwood City, California in 2000 and is a part of CalifornianGoans, a community that promotes Goan traditional food and music. “Growing up in India and in the USA is very different. However, we have tended to be Goan parents even in the US. Everything had to be finished from the plate and the Rosary was always recited in Konkani. There are rules for the safety of children and one parent has to be in the house when they are upto a certain age. Now that the boys are all grown up at the age of 24 and 19, we tried our best to bring them up just like we would do back home in Goa,” says Savio.
Originally from Cansaulim and married in Agassaim, Ana Fernandes, has been a resident of Swindon in the UK for 22 years where she lives with her husband, Francisco Gonsalves, 25-year-old daughter and 20-year-old son. “When they were younger, we spent a lot of quality time together engaging in various activities. We enjoyed outdoor games, board games, and reading books together. Family outings to parks and museums were also a common way for us to bond and have fun,” says Ana, who feels the major difference between my childhood and theirs is the advancement of technology.
Regarding rules in the UK, there are strict regulations to protect children’s rights. Physical punishment is discouraged, and raising your hands to a child can have serious legal consequences. Instead, non-violent forms of discipline are recommended and supported. “While India also has laws to protect children, the approach to discipline can vary more widely depending on cultural and regional practices. Both countries, however, are increasingly recognizing the importance of safeguarding children’s rights and promoting their well-being through
non-violent and respectful means of discipline,” says Ana.
When it comes to discipline in the home, Ana focuses on positive reinforcement and setting clear boundaries. “Time-outs and loss of privileges were used when necessary, but we always aimed to teach rather than punish,” she explains.
Mother of an 11-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son, Eunicia Dias e Carvalho, now lives in London, United Kingdom. Eunicia shares that her children are very fun loving and love to play board games, “They watch me cook and also learn some basic cooking. We mostly play outside as in London, every street has parks and we have one just opposite my place where we spend time together playing, cycling and walking etc.”
As most kids nowadays, her children too hardly want to play with friends physically but they instead play online with their friends. “I don’t believe in strict parenting as I will always want to be a friend to my kids. My kids will be open to share their opinions or problems rather than being afraid to approach a strict parent. I strongly agree on the rule where parents can’t raise their hands on the child as it creates a negative impact on the kids. If things are explained properly, children are quick to understand and develop a positive attitude,” she adds.
Born and raised in Goa, Selwyn Collaco immigrated to Canada in 1996 in his 20s. Over the years, he has become an integral part of the Goan community in Toronto and is the president of the Goan Overseas Association, a not-for-profit volunteer based community organization in Canada. A father or two teenage daughters, Selwyn spends his family time with them by mostly eating out, watching movies or chatting while walking the dog. Speaking about 17 and 13-year-old daughters and how he corrects them, he says, “By taking away the most important thing in their lives, their phones.” Living in Canada, Selwyn has to abide by the rules of the country which includes certain forms of discipline, such as striking a child with an object, hitting a child on the head, or using degrading or inhuman punishment, are explicitly prohibited.
“I would assume that the rules in India and Canada differ given the traditional parenting methods we went through compared to how kids are raised today. I look back and joke that we came out ok and maybe those methods helped. Jokes aside, I believe things are improving in India but there is still a lot of work required in India when it comes to protecting child rights more so in the areas of child labour, education, sexual exploitation, child trafficking etc,” explains Selwyn.
Pamila Rodrigues moved to the UK in 2014 and lives in Hayes with her husband Keven and their three children, 15-year-old Kiara, 8-year-old Kian and 3-year-old Zain. “The major difference between my childhood and theirs is that we did not have mobile phones during my childhood. Also my kids will never experience cashew picking, village ward picnics, swimming in the river by our little village as we did in our childhood. Having said that we will never know what it is to be a child in this generation,” says Pamila.
How does she discipline them? “We discipline them the same way that we were disciplined as kids. We have some ground rules for the kids which they must follow. No wasting food, no mobile phones or XBOX when we have guests at home, all the children have certain household responsibilities which they must complete. We don’t differentiate between our sons and daughter. No compromise on good manners in the house or outside. The kids know the penalty for disobedience is serious. My children are the only ones within our social circle who take blessings from all elders after prayers or while saying goodbyes without being embarrassed,” explains Pamila.
Many Goan families have settled in the UK so that their children can have a safer childhood and their rights are protected. “We need to stop looking at life in the UK from the critical Goan lens and look at our Goan migration as a more neutral, practical and economical option that we have availed of. Under Section 58 of the Children’s Act 2004, it is illegal to assault children in the UK. But we have to understand that the UK has a diverse population. There are people from various cultures and nationalities here and their family structures, upbringing and value system is very different from the Goan/Indian value system. Most of these cultures don’t have a strong family unit like ours. There are kids whose parents have multiple partners and these partners may not have a parental emotional connection with these kids. Hence, kids like these are vulnerable and often victims of abuse,” she says.
Fr Jovito D Souza is the parish priest of St Anselm’s Catholic Church, Southall. With a growing population of Goans settling in Southall, he is aware of the helplessness some parents face when they cannot correct their children. “There are different rules when it comes to caring for children in the UK. Here, the children have to have their own rooms with a bed and a study table for their own privacy. For new parents who have moved to the UK with their children, they are trying to familiarise themselves with the rules. As soon as the children join school, they are informed about their rights and the emergency numbers to call in case they are scolded or physically hit. In case, the child complains about the parents, they are immediately taken by the social service workers. I have come across 3-4 cases in the parish and it puts the parents on the back foot as whatever the child says is taken as the gospel truth. However, each case is well investigated and if they feel that the child is really stressed in the house, they won’t send them back to the parents. This ruptures the relationship of a parent and a child as they cannot correct them. However, even later as adults, if the same person is on the wrong side of the law, it is again the parents who get blamed. The parents are held accountable in both ways,” says Fr Jovito, who has been in the UK for three years and encourages families to stay together as a loving and caring family.